Friday, May 30, 2008

I'll be honest...I'm not sure how to title this post

When I was in Mesquite we went to the ring ceremony for one of my cousins on my dad's side. It was nice and we saw family we hadn't seen in awhile. This is my half brother Cesar. He lives in town (Mesquite, that is). When we were kids my dad dropped a bomb on us that he had other children. That was interesting. We met Carlos first, who didn't speak english at the time, and years later, Cesar. It's very wierd talking about him because I don't know what to say. We never developed a relationship with them, it's not our fault, that's just how it was. We were just kids, there was a language barrier, years differences in ages, seldom saw each other, and complications that we had no control over. So now as adults it is very awkward. I can only speak for myself but I think my siblings feelings are similar. We love our half siblings. It's hard to explain why but there's a force beyond explanation that binds blood relations. And yet it is so awkward. Painfully awkward almost. I can't explain it. It doesn't help that dad has left messes behind him everywhere he's been in life awhile. Dad created an environment that made healthy relationships very difficult. So I guess I'm not surprised that it's hard to have much of a relationship with our half brothers as adults. We were all victimized by dads poor choices and now as adults I guess we should feel contented with the friendly awkward relationships that we have.